Measuring the Distance Between Us
by Suspicious Popsicle
Summary: Flynn hadn't been quite himself since that night at Aurnion. Not when it was just the two of them, anyway.


A/N: Hey, look. Something I wrote that isn't fluffy. :D

Disclaimer: The characters and settings in this story are from Tales of Vesperia and do not belong to me.

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Flynn had usurped Yuri's customary seat on the windowsill. Although his face was turned out toward the city, he'd been distracted since they'd met up on his way into the lower quarter. Yuri pressed a cup into his hand and poured him a measure of wine before sitting down with the bottle at his little table. Flynn ignored the drink, gaze cast out over the streets, thoughts almost certainly far afield. After pouring a share of wine for himself, Yuri took a sip and sighed quietly, glad to be home, but unable to completely relax. The silence stretching out between them wasn't exactly disquieting, but it was heavy enough to grow stifling. He slumped in his chair, letting his head fall back until his hair hung without touching his neck. There was no breeze to brush past his skin, but he felt marginally cooler anyway. It helped him ignore the urge to ask Flynn what was bothering him. He had a sneaking suspicion he knew what was coming, and he wasn't in any rush to hear it.

Wine had an incredible way of making strange silences less uncomfortable, though it worked better if all involved drank. Flynn still hadn't had so much as a sip by the time Yuri was ready to pour himself a second cup. The clunk of the bottle being set back down on the table seemed to pull Flynn's attention back to the present. He looked at the cup in his hands as if he'd just noticed it. Yuri watched him raise it to his lips, pause, then lower it without having had so much as a taste.

"To make people smile..." Flynn said quietly. It was the beginning of a promise between them that couldn't go unanswered. Staring at him, Yuri sat up straight and spoke words that had long ago been engraved on his heart.

"Even if we follow different paths."

"Even if we bear different burdens."

"Even if people praise us or hate us." Yuri raised his cup in place of his sword and drank. "Big ideals for little kids."

"Simple ideals that got complicated because we grew up. After you left the Knights...I thought for a long time that you'd abandoned our promise."

Yuri held his tongue as he studied the way the light passed through the dusty green glass of the wine bottle. It still shamed him to admit how close to the truth that was. He'd known better than anyone how powerless he'd been, and Flynn had known just how to rub it in. Fiddling with the bottle, he refused to let the silence drag a response from him. He was picking up on Flynn's odd mood.

"I can't tell you what it meant to me when you proved me wrong about that. Most people wouldn't have taken a childhood promise so seriously."

Cradling his cup in both hands, Flynn was smiling softly, eyes downcast. The very tips of his unruly locks of hair faded out to blend in with the sunlight. He looked suddenly small and very young in his Commandant's uniform. Yuri turned away from him with a shrug, gaze drawn to the swords mounted on the wall over his bed.

"It was important," he said, and wondered if Flynn knew that he meant the goal was just as important as the fact that it had been _their_ promise.

"When you were little, you were terrible at lying. Is that why you stopped?"

It was an odd leap, and he glanced over to see that an almost bitter air of wistfulness had crept into Flynn's smile. "It's easier to stick to the truth."

"Or to say nothing and let people assume?"

It suited him to let silence answer the question. Flynn was in a strange mood, not quite upset, but...he wasn't his usual self. He was distant, distracted... Then again, he hadn't been quite himself since that night at Aurnion. Not when it was just the two of them, anyway. As Yuri watched from the corner of his eye, Flynn tossed back his wine all at once, then sat toying with the empty cup, rolling it between his palms.

"You know...I've always wondered what it cost you to say those words."

"Hm?"

"Back in Nordopolica."

The memory broke over him like a chill wave. Even as he tried to laugh it off, he hunched a little closer over the battered old wooden table and his half-emptied cup of wine. His reflection wavered as he swirled his drink.

" _How's this any different from what I've come to expect from the empire? Are you gonna follow Ragou and Cumore's examples?"_

The anger he'd felt back then over Flynn's apparent betrayal had burned like acid beneath his skin. To see Flynn, who had always stood up for what was right...to see him being drawn into the empire's schemes, to think that, atop all the other crimes and atrocities Yuri had borne witness to, he would also lose _Flynn_ to that corruption...

" _If I did, would you just kill me as well? Would you do away with me just like Ragou and Cumore?"_

...and then to have those words thrust at him like a poisoned blade, their bitterness spreading through him bit by bit after the confrontation...

" _If you go and become a villain, you won't be giving me much choice."_

He shook it off. It was over and behind them. Flynn still stood against the corruption. Yuri had never had to make good on his threat in order to protect their world...and their promise. He had never been entirely sure he could have done it, anyway, and he was beyond thankful that he'd never had to find out one way or the other. With careful casualness, he picked up the wine bottle and refilled his cup.

"What makes you think it cost me anything?"

Flynn snorted. "Please. Don't pretend that I don't know you as well as I know myself."

"Maybe back when we were kids—"

"You know, the more I thought about it, the more it sounded like you were begging me not to turn out like them."

"Like I'd ever beg you for anything." What the hell had Flynn bringing all this up out of the blue? They hadn't even seen each other for a month, and that last parting had been strained. Couldn't they even talk to each other anymore?

"Let me ask you this, then: What would it have cost you to keep that promise?"

Late afternoon sunlight lent a glow to half of Flynn's face and flared over the device on his chest. His eyes in light and shadow were piercing, and the faint quirk of a smile he offered was gentle but not at all reassuring.

Turning away, Yuri took another sip of his wine. "Good thing for you I can't win against you."

Something about the response made Flynn laugh softly. "Better for me that I came to see the truth, I think. Yuri, you're more than a match for me once you've set your mind to something." He looked out over the town once more, raising a hand to scratch his cheek. "It's terrifying," he said quietly.

Yuri shifted uneasily in his chair. He didn't like thinking back on his relationship with Flynn in those days. They'd both betrayed each other while trying to do what they had felt was right. They'd each come through it, changed, and still mostly managed to salvage their bond, somehow. Still...

"Why are you bringing this up now?"

Flynn glanced his way. "Finally taking a serious interest in the conversation?" He looked toward the swords mounted on the wall: the one they'd saved up to buy together as children, and Yuri's blade from his time with the Knights. "I suppose it would be foolish to apologize for having worried you."

Again, Yuri found himself reluctant to respond. To admit he'd been worried would be to admit that Flynn might have been lost to him. He'd be grateful if that possibility stayed dead and buried.

"I've been trying to come to terms with your—with some of your choices on my own," Flynn said. "It's forced me to re-evaluate certain things."

The laugh that burst from Yuri's mouth was an ugly sound. So, he'd been right about what was on Flynn's mind. Might as well get it over with. "What sorts of things?" As if he couldn't guess.

"Not the sort you're thinking of. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and come pour me a little more wine."

The sound of the chair scraping over the floor as Yuri stood was as loud as a shout. He carried the bottle over and poured, watching the wine slosh up the sides of the cup. It wasn't until a warm palm cupped his cheek that Yuri met Flynn's eyes.

"Give me a little more time. Please."

He'd asked the same thing a month ago. Yuri knocked his hand away and straightened up. "Wouldn't it be easier if you just admitted it was a mistake?"

"I do love you, Yuri." His blue eyes were all too earnest. "I meant it when I told you that night in Aurnion, and I mean it now. What happened between us was—"

"It was a mistake."

"It wasn't _wise_. That doesn't mean it was a mistake."

Flynn got to his feet, put them eye-to-eye, but Yuri didn't give ground. He crossed his arms over his chest and refused to look away. Flynn was haloed by the fading light of the sun. He was everything Yuri had ever wanted, but it seemed one night together and a damaged friendship would be all he would get.

"When you showed up at Aurnion, the only thing that mattered was that you were _alive_. Do you understand? There was no room for anything else."

"How convenient that your doubts about me disappeared just long enough for a one night stand."

"It wasn't like that!" It was the first time Flynn had raised his voice that day. The shock cut straight through Yuri's scorn. "You think I haven't wanted you these past months? Do you think I haven't regretted the damage I caused between us because I can't move forward? You aren't the only one that hates this, Yuri, but I need time to make it right." He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "I won't come to you with love on my lips and uncertainty in my heart. You mean more to me than that."

"You've got a damn strange way of showing it."

The tips of Flynn's fingers came to rest lightly on Yuri's arm. "I know. Give me just a bit more time. My work keeps me too busy to think of much else, but I promise I'll have an answer for you next time we meet."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Despite his words, his resolve was melting away before the chance being offered to him and Flynn knew it.

"I want it to be easy between us again, the way it was when we were young."

"Not much hope for that." Cynicism leeched the humor he'd intended for the remark, and Flynn smiled sadly.

"Perhaps not, but I'd like to try."

"Best get to it, then." He was suddenly weary. Flynn wouldn't be staying the night, and Yuri stepped aside to give him a clear path to the door.

Flynn hesitated, though the message had been clear. "Please understand. I'm so proud of you for all that you've accomplished. I still think it would have been best if you'd been given the credit for all you did to avert the war and save the capital. Even still, even though you done so much good for our world, you still..."

"Go ahead and say it, Flynn. We both know it's true."

"Yuri..."

He'd had enough, though. Flynn was the one who had taken their healing friendship and turned it upside down with a confession of love. Flynn had been the one to insist Yuri spend the night with him, and it was Flynn who hadn't been satisfied with a few nervous kisses.

Fists clenched, Yuri rode out a surge of anger over the unfairness of it. He'd admired Flynn for so long, he'd wanted him, loved him, so how could he have resisted when he'd been offered his heart's desire? That one night had ruined them, though. It had twisted their bond, made them uneasy in each others' company when the return of Flynn's sense of duty had left them stranded between friends and lovers. Yuri could have contented himself with their friendship if they hadn't ever crossed that line. Now, he was greedy. He wanted both what they'd shared as children and what they could have as adults, but because of what he'd done, because of what he was...

"I'm a murderer."

Flynn flinched, but he didn't deny it. He couldn't. He'd been tying his own hands with questions of duty and morality, law, justice, how Yuri was defined by his actions, and how that would reflect on his position as Commandant. He might love Yuri, but he wouldn't stoop to touch him the way he had that night in Aurnion, not until he could find an answer that made it okay. Yuri didn't believe there was such a thing.

"I just need a little more time."

Yuri turned his back on him and opened the door. He was so tired. "You'd better go." They didn't look at each other as Flynn left but, before he shut the door, Yuri had one last thing to say.

"If you ever find your answer, you can come find me." The way things were between them, he didn't have the heart to keep seeking Flynn out.


End file.
